The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, and the Just Plain Awful                 

All opinions are strictly my own. Spoilers probably abound, so beware. The newest things are on top.

Son of the Beach -- FX                                      

Here I feel the need to start out by saying that I don't watch Howard Stern, don't enjoy Howard Stern, and generally find his talk show ungodly dull (so hold off on the brickbats). That said, I like this campy, how-dumb-can-we-get (pretty damn dumb in a smart kind way as it turns out) parody of Baywatch that comes from his production company. Every third word (or maybe every other word) is a tacky sex joke (or worse), the women (or at least Kim Oja) appear to be wearing prosthetic nipples (at least I hope those are prosthetics ... if not, they really need to get that cast a heater on set), and a lot of the humor appears to be aimed at your average eleven year old male. That said, it also has the straightest delivery since Batman (and I'm not talking the movies, I'm talking the Adam West version), a willingness to hurl jokes at a mile a minute until something has to hit, a willingness -- nay, a need -- to just say something because it's funny, and a general lack of seriousness toward a whole host of issues that I rather enjoy. Oh, and it has the sex appeal of Timothy Stack as "Notch Johnson" (brief pause for giggles). Really, you've gotta give the actor credit for his willingness to make total utter fun of himself with such dead seriousness. Then there's Roland Kickinger as an eerily accurate Arnold clone. Oh, and there's the aforementioned Kim Oja who I will say (any discussion of her nipples aside ... and, frankly, I could do without that) does make my little heart go pitter pat a bit.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- UPN                       

Sadly, this is more or less the saddest, most pathetic, god awful show I have on the list, because Goddammit, these people know how to make good TV, but for some reason, they appear to have had a massive brain fart this season and forgotten. Aside from the musical (which I will confess, I enjoyed), the show has been a poor shadow of what it can be. Where once there was genuine wit and humor mixed amid the pathos and fight scenes, now it's just an ongoing litany of misery. Buffy's miserable and bleeping Spike, though she hates it, and hates herself. Spike's miserable because Buffy doesn't love him, and keeps beating him up. Willow's miserable because Tara has rightfully left her, and she needs the Betty Ford Clinic for Witches Caught in Clichéd Plots Lifted from Old Episodes of the Mod Squad. Tara's miserable because Willow's mind-raping her because she loves her. Xander's miserable because he's not sure he's ready to marry Anya, and Anya's miserable because she got dumped at the altar. They're all fucking miserable all the fucking time. More than that, it's ugly misery, full of sick rape fantasies, shame, humiliation, and abuse. And don't even get me started on the geekazoid trio; very probably the dumbest idea anybody at Mutant Enemy has ever had (and I thought they'd plumbed the depths with the Initiative -- at least the show still had some sick humor amid the dumbness then).

What was once a fresh and clever show has become a collection of the worst clichés imaginable; like lesbians wind up dead and/or evil, all good women really want a bad boy, and of course, rape is the ultimate sign of love. Joss Whedon has been making noises about how he has to give the audience what it needs, not what it wants. Well, Joss, time for the Clue-Fairy to pay a visit, when I watch TV, what I need is entertainment, preferably, smart, funny, sometimes emotion inducing entertainment. Buffy has failed miserably in that endeavor. It's not only not fun, it's not the slightest bit entertaining. In fact, it's depressing and frequently leaves me feeling in need of a shower.

Sick stuff. Sad, pathetic, sick stuff with no redeeming entertainment value whatsoever as far as I can tell.

And, oh yeah, miserable, just fucking miserable. 

However, in the final mix, the most miserable of all are clearly the audience members who are missing the once clever show this was, and are instead presented with this misogynistic, violence ridden, sick, twisted dreck.

The Shield -- FX                                                

Now, just to prove there are things out there I do like (and silence the folks who are currently muttering about all the things I just "can't handle" vis a vis my Buffy comments), I really do recommend catching this really unique cop show on FX. I'm not normally one for watching cops and robbers. Aside from an occasional episode of Law and Order, they're just not my thing, but I've got to admit, I can't take my eyes off this one. The acting is first rate (of course, I'll admit, any cast with CCH Pounder gets automatic points from me), and their handling of a gay character (a male cop in the precinct) is one of the better ones I've seen on TV; not the simplistic, sex driven sort we've seen from so many things, nor a man whose entire existence revolves around his sexual orientation. As for Michael Chikliss' performance as Vic Mackey, it's a fascinating study in creating a character whose entire existence is a paradox wrapped in an enigma. There is nothing so simple as good and bad here, but rather something far more complex that manages to walk the fine line between realism and nihilism with deft skill. The extraordinary complexity of all the characters makes it a must watch.

Junkyard Wars -- TLC                                        

Ten hours, two four-man teams, a junkyard, and challenges that run the gamut from building a rocket, to coming up with an all terrain vehicle. I love this show for its humor and creativity. Yeah, there's a competition, but it's of such a good natured variety, that one has to admire the overall comradely tone of things. This one is pure fun, and if you're not careful, you might just learn something along the way. Oh, and Cathy Rogers is hot (sorry, had a Frohike moment there).

South Park -- Comedy Central                           

Hmmm, Kenny's dead now, and apparently going to stay that way ... and his replacement is ... Butters. I'll let you know what I think of that decision when I decide. But overall, I'm still enjoying this show as the most biting satire on TV. Moreover, with their beautiful sendup of old Warner Brother's cartoons, they actually managed to do what I thought was comparatively impossible, and make me laugh at Osama Bin Laden.

The X-Files -- Fox                                                 

Good God, the X-Files has lesbian subtext. You don't wanna know how many years I've been wanting to be able to type that. Don't get me wrong, I've loved the show from day one, and I've long enjoyed Mulder and the whole UST thing (Understated Sexual Tension), but I've gotta be honest, Scully with Reyes does more for me. Yeah, I know, it's thoroughly one-track-minded of me, but then again, who cares? There's a funky energy between those actresses and even if the writing has largely been incomprehensible, I'm enjoying what I can get.

ER -- NBC                                                                

Okay, honesty time here, I'm not generally into hospital shows, don't care if Dr. Greene is dying and only started watching because they made a major character a lesbian (doncha love my honesty binges), but, that said, I am enjoying the show, and they're doing a nice job presenting Dr. Weaver's transition from a woman closeted from everyone, including herself, to reasonably out, reasonably proud, and able to show a little humanity. Kind of interesting since, usually, we see the lesbian go evil after having nasty ole, all girl sex. On this show, it's more or less worked the other way around (and they've made her prettier, and given her a better haircut too).

Survivor -- CBS                                                       

Okay, I have to confess that Survivor is one of my guilty pleasure shows. You know, the ones you don't admit to your friends that you watch. And this Survivor has been sick, twisted fun because this crew has possibly some of the dumbest people ever seen on this show. It's like Special Ed Survivor. Honestly, I wouldn't have predicted dumb and lazy could get people so far, but in this edition, it's done remarkably well by some people.

Angel -- WB                                                              

Buffy's sister show, meanwhile has managed to turn in a solid, if not entirely brilliant effort this season. The baby-plot, which I initially rolled my eyes over (the phrase, "They're stealing from bad fanfic," was heard around my house) managed to dig itself out of Stupidity-Land at the last moment with Darla's final sacrifice. I could do without the Groosalug [sp?] and Cordelia's hair growing steadily shorter and blonder (how long before she turns into Lori Petty in Tank Girl, I wonder -- which is not a good thought for someone with Charisma's skin tones), but Lorne continues to impress, and Wesley and Gunn have grown on me, though I remain undecided about Fred. Haven't seen enough of Angel's son yet to have an opinion, but so far I find the storyline interesting, so I'll play along.