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Monday, June 23, 2003
Images of Danny's zips being undone were quite, er, eerie. I've never witnessed a "strip show" in my entire quarter-century lifetime. As he un-zipped his fly, he was teasing the "crowd" with his schlong... all eight inches of it. It was really huge! I mean seriously, for an Asian guy... that's got to be a prosthetic. I mean ... (I guess I've established the gravity of the situation... and how big this guy's thing really was). We were all glued to his pubic area as he would move his waist and make some interesting movements. The guy was such a huge tease. He'd get a foot on top of another chair and get his thing rubbed on my friends mouth... while he was still wearing underwear. Danny would then go around the room and just get himself in front of everyone's face. Some were laughing, others shrieking... tough room. Filled with straight women and gay men. It was a riot. That same show went on three more times, with each time Danny losing more and more pieces of clothing. The last segment was the towel dance. Damn... that towel made his schlong look bigger. It looked like an entire arm. The strip show ended, Danny went home, people were still commenting on how big the stripper's thing was. It was a very interesting experience. We all went to where the food was at. After getting tired from all that laughing and gasping (some screaming), we thought we needed some nourishment. While the peeps were chatting about, I was constantly bothered by calls from the U.S. It was starting to annoy me. I was supposed to be at a party and work should not be on the list of things I'm doing. Wish I just turned off my phone. Damn. After tons of food, and soda, we all headed to our friend's bedroom where all of us (11 or so), found ourselves yapping tilll 5:30AM. At this point, I felt so drained. I hitched a ride with the birthday celebrant together with four other peeps. Six people in the car. ha ha ha... bad! Got home and just fell asleep in an instant. The weekend that was. God save me from this week.
I Am Close your eyes and open your mind I'll be your eye when you can't see I'll pick you up when you fall When you're sad I'll make you laugh When everything is silent I'm that voice The feeling is weird. It's like you have no control. You want to hold on to it but you can't. Things can go anyway they want to. That's what I felt when Jagard was rushed to the hospital last Monday. Too much to handle. Helpless. No matter how much I wanted to see him then and there, I can't. If you don't know yet, I'm kinda off limits (in a way) from his family. I don't know how they perceive me. If I'm this person who corrupted their son to gay-dom. They already know that I "was" Jagard's boyfriend. It has been press released to them that we are no longer together. So, going to the hospital would be a tad too close for comfort. That's why I feel so helpless. I want to... but I can't. If I do, I might not see him forever. I'm glad he understands. I was crying that Monday night coz I had no news whatsoever of how my Jagard is doing. I seeked comfort from watching Season Five episodes of Sex and the City (how queer). That made me feel more lonely. Season Five focused so much on the four girls' friendship. The side of their relationship with each other that audiences don't usually see explicitly. Here, emotions were overpouring. So many questions were raised. Damn Carrie Bradshaw. The entire six episodes... not a single fashion faux pas. Argh! Anyways, yesterday was more calm for me. Got SMS from Jagard almost the entire day. Called him last night and I cried again. He was still in the hospital. I couldn't bare the feeling of not being there for him while he's in that state. By this time I'm sure you get the fact that I'm such a cry baby. Now, I'm happy knowing he's gonna be home tomorrow. I'll be able to talk to him. He'll be able to hear me say how much I've missed him, and how much I love him. How much I would never want to go through that two day ordeal again. He he he. I love you, Jagard! Sadly, after going through the list of positions that are open, I can't find anything I was interested in. Most of the positions were admin and research, positions I would've been semi-interested in before. Now, I was actually looking for I.T. jobs. Eeep, I'm a full blown I.T. person now. Ugh. I also checked out the market for I.T. consultants in the U.S. and there are a lot of positions. For obvious reasons, I'm not so keen on applying. Wish it was that easy. Seeing that I'm from a reputable company, I would think it's easier for me to move on to other companies. Damn money problems. Bugger. I just can't wait till my next assignment. Show me the money!!!!!
A brief history, my mom retired April of 2001 at the age of 55 (i think). She saved up money from years of working. She had the house remodelled. I chipped in. After two years since the house was dressed up, we're now non-liquid. My dad hasn't worked since the early 80s so that's not even a good place for me to seek financial comfort from. Basically, now that both my parents are not working and are no longer earning, I'm the one who's to take the responsibility of putting food on the table. I am up for it, don't get me wrong. It's just that I feel I'm too young to have such responsibilities as earning a living for the family. My status now is head of family and God knows what tax excemptions I get from the friggin' government. I had to give up independence for a while since my parents need me for now. My mom's planning on selling the house and get a new one, smaller, enough for both of them. I on the other hand would get my independence by then. It was a tough decision on my part but I already knew what my decision was the moment I heard the words "would you be able to help us out?"... I'm not used to this. It's annoying me the past couple of weeks. Called a meeting with my parents a week ago and told them that all of us need to pitch-in in order to survive this family crisis. My dad, as always, unaffected. My mom's all... "I'm tired of earning a living... it's all up to you guys now... I wanna do things I want to do for a change..." blah blah blah. Not good. I promised my mom I would give her 20K which she needs to pay for mortage, utility bills, etc. I am still to give 5K a month for food. Damn, that's 10K every month. Major bugger. I'm still paying for gasoline for the car. I hope this will soon pass. I'm just glad my boyfriend is always there to give me words of encouragement. For as long as he doesn't bug me in any way about anything, I think I won't snap. I'm very edgy these past few weeks. Emotional, yes. Smiling... always!
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