“The
best birthday present ever”
I have just
turned yet another year older, with a pleasant
dinner with my colleagues.
It was a steamboat affair at a
popular place in town, and after everyone had
decided that we had eaten all we could, two of
my colleagues offered to go get desserts for us.
But when they returned, it was with a huge surprise
chocolate cake for my birthday, accompanied by
a birthday tune that the restaurant proprietor
had obligingly put onto the sound system.
Amidst jokes about the number
of candles on my cake, the techno-beat of the
song and my birthday wish, and the murmur of the
dining crowd, I blew the candles and cut the cake.
Around that point, the birthday tune stopped and
was replaced by something that caught me by surprise,
and then by a myriad of emotions easier to remember
than to describe.
I still do not quite know how
to describe my feelings when it dawned on me that
right in that crowded public place, what I heard
was a familiar, beautiful worship song that exalted
the name of Jesus. As the singer crooned “I’m
coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s
all about You, it’s all about You, Jesus”,
I had to contain my excitement because the vast
majority of my colleagues there were unbelievers,
and I did not think they would understand how
much hearing that song at that time and place
meant to me.
And, like a patriotic Malaysian
who would stand up to honour the national anthem,
I had the urge to bow down in worship, praise
and thanksgiving to Jesus there and then. Perhaps
it was a lack of boldness on my part, or wisdom
was telling me not to create a scene, so all I
did was to sing a long and exclaim “I love
this song!”
Hearing that song so unexpectedly
at the point of celebrating my birthday this year
holds a special meaning for me.
I have always had the fear that
no one would remember my birthday and I would
feel unloved and unimportant – a stronghold
of rejection that finds its root in one of my
teenage birthdays when my friends forgot and did
not bring me any presents! Since then, as the
month of September approached every year, I would
feel a sense of anticipation mixed with dread.
The same fear occurred again this year –
starting as early as August! – despite the
fact that over the years I have always had close
friends who remembered, and people who sincerely
celebrated my birthdays with me.
So, this year, when the same kind
of dread and fear came upon me again, though at
a lesser degree, I decided it was time to adopt
a new approach, and to break the bondage of rejection
once and for all. After all, Jesus was rejected
on the cross so that I may be accepted, so what
reason, and what right did I have to feel rejected
over the number of people who remember, or rather,
do not remember my birthday?
I also began to accept that the
fear of rejection does, to a certain extent, stem
from self-centeredness. When we worry about how
others perceive or treat us, it is an attitude
which is all about ourselves. It requires true
humility to be able to take our eyes off ourselves
and focus more on the needs of others.
This mini paradigm shift in the
way I view the anniversary of my birth was made
easier when I consciously thought of what Jesus
had done for me, and how God had been faithful
throughout this life He has given me.
After all He has given me, what
right do I have to be unhappy over something as
trivial as the number of people who cared about
my birthday?
It would be self-centred and ungrateful
to grouse over that, no doubt, but on the other
hand, it would not be right to be nonchalant about
my birthday either. After all, God has made me
and decided that I would have a purpose in this
world, so to simply forget about the day I came
into existence would be almost akin to giving
His work a brush-off, I think. Imagine how the
late Tunku Abdul Rahman would feel if he were
still around and young Malaysians did not care
about the day he led our country into independence.
So I decided that the most meaningful
way to celebrate my birthday was to thank God
for this life He has given me, with all its goodness
and fulfillment, and rededicate it to Him. I know
that even if there was not another soul on this
planet who cared about my birthday, He does!
Since birthdays are in essence,
a celebration of new life, then it should be a
day we look back and thank the Creator rather
than use it to gauge our popularity with others.
Of course it is wonderful to have people who take
our birthdays as an opportunity to reaffirm their
love and appreciation for us, but what I have
learnt this year is that it is ultimately a day
to remember and honour our Creator. (And also
moms who went through labour pains that many years
ago, but this is another point!)
It took some effort to shift the
focus away from myself as my birthday approached,
and looking to God definitely helped. Before the
weekend when my colleagues celebrated my birthday
with me, God had already given me a breakthrough.
I am not sure how to describe
that breakthrough in a comprehensible way, but
I remember that Friday while driving home from
work, the truth simply dawned on me and I could
exclaim from the bottom of my heart, “Hey,
it doesn’t matter if no one remembers my
birthday!” It was like Archimedes’
‘Eureka!’ revelation. It only took
a moment, and I knew I was free. No more rejection,
no more fear, no more dread, no more loneliness.
Amazing!
So when it turned out that my
colleagues and close friends remembered my birthday,
after all, it was like a bonus – something
wonderful, no doubt, but not something I cannot
be happy without.
Birthday cakes, presents and good company –
these are blessings from God to be enjoyed, but
not to be depended upon. We thank Him when we
have these things, but when we do not have anything,
we still have Him, and His grace is sufficient
for us.
The Bible is Ecclesiastes 12 says
that we are to remember our Creator in our youth
– my close friend and sister-in-Christ Melissa
shared that verse with me after I told her about
my resolution to take my birthday as a day to
thank God for my life. And when the ‘Heart
of Worship’ came into air so unexpectedly
after I cut my birthday cake, it was as if God
was there to remind me, “Hey, your birthday
is all about Jesus!” After all, He died
so that I may have eternal life.
I am still trying to find the
words or analogy to describe how I felt –
it was just amazing, a lovely, heartfelt surprise,
a moment that filled my heart with love and warmth.
It was as if God was telling me that He approved
of my decision to dedicate my birthday to Jesus,
and I wanted to tell my friends that “Hey,
this is what it’s really about, this is
what truly matters. Forget about what I wished
for my birthday.”
You may try to imagine a little
girl who’s having great fun playing with
her friends, engrossed in her toys when her father
suddenly shows up. Instinctively, she drops her
toys, runs into his arms and proudly exclaims
to her friends, “That’s my daddy!”
It was a reminder of who I am
in Christ, and that sense of identity fills me
with pride, security, confidence and joy. It was
the highlight of my night. I also found it heartwarming
that the owner of the eatery, a Christian himself,
would exalt Jesus in the course of his business.
The world needs to know what a great God we serve!
I thank God for this breakthrough,
and I know that from now onwards, I will look
forward to my birthdays not with fear and dread,
but with joy and thanksgiving, because if my birthday
is a celebration of life, then it is a life that
matters to Him because He created it!
To me, to live a life driven by
God’s will and purpose, is to live:
- a life of freedom (within the
order and security of His governance)
- a life of purpose and meaning
- a life of passion and love
- a life of challenges and breakthroughs
- a life of progress and promise
- a life of increase and success
As I learn to submit my life and will to Him,
I discover the freedom in being myself according
to what my Creator wants me to be, of having to
live up only to His expectations, in knowing that
all things work together for my good (Romans 8:28).
As I seek my Creator, I find my
true self – because no one knows me better
than He does. The day He decided to bring me into
this world, He already had a plan for me. And
when I decided to follow Him, He led me to find
myself, my place, my purpose, my worth.
My birthday is the anniversary
of the beginning of my life on Earth, and my life
is His plan, so what better way to celebrate this
day than to commit it to the One who started it
all?
Thank You, Lord, for this
privilege.
Alexis
4th September 2006
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